Monster-Cooking Rules
EVER WONDER WHAT IT MIGHT BE like to eat a monster? Don't lie, of course you have. If you have proficiency in Cook's Utensils, and a suitable corpse that hasn't been rendered inedible, you can spend an hour cooking the monster. Roll 2d4 to determine the amount of monster meat produced. This number cannot exceed the maximum number of servings.
Servings by Creature Size
| Size | Servings |
|---|---|
| Tiny | 2 or less |
| Small | 4 |
| Medium | 8 |
| Large | 16 |
| Huge | 32 |
| Gargantuan | 64 or more |
Monsters can be eaten during the same rest in which they were cooked, or saved for later. They must be consumed within 3 days of killing, or the meat will go bad.
Monster Types
Some types of monsters are more suited for consumption than others.
Aberrations are not meant for mortal stomachs. Make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw. On a success, you gain 60ft. telepathy for the next 24 hours, and +1 hit point for every hit die used during a short rest. On a failure, take 2d6 psychic damage and gain a random form of long-term madness, as described on page 260 of the DMG.
Beasts make nice, normal meals, that normal people eat. Gain +1 hit point for every hit die used during a short rest.
Celestials are nearly impossible to eat, and extremely not recommended if you somehow manage it. What's wrong with you? Gain +3 hit points for every hit die used during a short rest. You gain a number of temporary hit points equal to your level, and your alignment permanently changes to evil if it wasn't there already. Celestials will recognize you as an enemy on sight, forever.
Constructs are inedible, unless you can eat rock or metal or whatever the construct happens to be made out of.
Dragons are the ultimate meat for any true monster chef. If the dragon is a true dragon, regain all hit points, and gain a one-use breath weapon equivalent to the dragonborn breath weapon of the same color. Otherwise, gain +3 hit points for every hit die used during a short rest.
Elementals are inedible. You can drink a dead water elemental, but it won't confer any bonuses.
Fey eat people all the time, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Gain +2 hit points for every hit die used during a short rest, and you gain one casting of Misty Step, which must be used within the next 24 hours.
Fiends usually dissolve into foul ichor when slain outside of their native plane, so a prospective fiend-eater will have to travel to the lower planes and eat a fiend there. If you somehow manage to pull this off, which is an extremely bad idea, take 8d6 necrotic damage. You gain one casting of Summon Greater Demon as a 4th-level spell, which must be used within the next 24 hours. The demon is immediately hostile upon summoning, and lasts for an hour or until reduced to 0 hit points.
Giants are at least somewhat intelligent, but ogre meat is too good for you to question if this is cannibalism or not. Gain +2 hit points for every hit die used during a short rest, and you gain one casting of Enlarge/Reduce, which must be used within the next 24 hours. You can only use this spell to cast Enlarge, and can only target yourself.
Humanoids definitely count as cannibalism, so you must succeed on a DC 10 Charisma saving throw or vomit up the meat (assuming you are in fact a humanoid). Gain +2 hit points for every hit die used during a short rest, if you pass.
Monstrosities make up the bulk of a monster cook's dishes. Gain +2 hit points for every hit die used during a short rest.
Oozes are inedible, and usually corrosive. Don't try.
Plants are an extremely normal meal. Somewhat less so if they were just alive and thrashing about. +1 hit point for every hit die used during a short rest.
Undead are disgusting and inedible, unless they were alive until very recently (and are still corporeal). In this case, use the rules for whatever it was in life, and take 2d12 necrotic damage.
Monster Meat in the World
Non-humanoids consuming monster meat might experience different effects. Most monsters have no qualms about eating humanoids, for instance. A fiend or undead consuming a celestial might make it more powerful, or it could cause the creature to explode. A construct such as a flesh golem or a modron may be able to convert monster food to energy.
Monster meat is considered a delicacy by a rare few, and players may be able to find a noble or two willing to pay good money for it. Creatures like lizardfolk or the monstrous races rarely have qualms with eating monster.
Additional Options
Your DM may choose to allow some of these additional options.
Curing or otherwise preserving the dish can make it last indefinitely. The cook requires dry salt or brine for meat preservation.
Monster Eggs are often edible, should the party encounter a nest. Use the appropriate rules for the monster type. Eggs produce fewer servings than fully grown creatures, but tend to be found in groups.
Seasoning, or adding certain herbs or spices to a dish, can enhance the taste of it. The dish restores 1 additional hit point per hit die.