Terrible D&D Weapons
The following compendium of magical weapons was crafted by the legendary "Lich of Insane Mumblings", Blackbando. Whether these creations be from elements of chaos construed together by his twisted mind, or weaponry inspired by his own visions of insanity, these are not tools for use by practical adventurers. The weapons are listed in alphabetical order.
A.R.S.B.T.B.J.G.O.F.E.
Weapon (requires attunement, longsword), very rare
Also known as A Regular Sword But the Blade Just Goes On Forever, this weapon appears to be normal at first, but when a creature attuned to the blade uses its action to push on the gemstone in the middle of the hilt, the blade immediately extends to be 20 feet long, and becomes too unwieldy to use. At the start of each of the creature's turns, the blade extends another 20 feet, unless it cannot grow longer, such as if a stone wall is in the way.
The creature can use its bonus action to immediately have the blade shrink to regular size, and be wieldable once more.
A.A.H.O.A.A.T.H.O.K.
Weapon (dagger), uncommon
Also known as An Arm Holding On to Another Arm That's Holding Onto a Knife, this dagger is an arm holding onto another arm that is holding onto a knife. It lacks the thrown property, but instead gains the reach property. The arms rot after 7 days if not properly preserved, such as with gentle repose, at which point, the weapon becomes a regular magical dagger.
Banana Split Sabre
Weapon (rapier), uncommon
This rapier looks like a banana split. As an action, a creature holding the weapon can eat the banana split, rendering the weapon useless but nourishing the creature for the next 8 hours. The banana split regenerates at the next dawn.
Bowoboros
Weapon (requires attunement, shortbow), rare
This shortbow has the appearance of the infinity serpent, Ouroboros. When you hit a creature with this shortbow, you can use your bonus action to have the same arrow attack another creature within 30 feet of the original target. You make a new attack roll for this bonus action, but the arrow keeps any effects it had on the original target, such as the flame arrows spell.
Bug Bomb
Wondrous item, uncommon
This bomb appears like a sphere made entirely of living bugs. As an action, you can throw this bomb up to 20 feet, exploding on impact. Make a ranged attack against a creature or object, treating the bug bomb as an improvised weapon. On a hit, the target takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage, and a swarm of insects that is hostile to the target immediately occupies its space. The swarm acts on your turn, and while it is not hostile to you, it will not listen to your commands, only attacking the nearest creature if the creature it was thrown at is killed.
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Cactus Club
Weapon (greatclub), uncommon
This greatclub is made of an actual cactus. When you hit with this greatclub, it deals an additional 1d8 piercing damage. However, if you roll a 1 on the attack roll, you deal 1d8 piercing damage to yourself.
Catlass
Weapon (requires attunement, scimitar), uncommon
This scimitar is made of a cat's arm, which is preserved by magic. While attuned to this scimitar, you can cast animal friendship at will, though only on cats and other feline creatures. Additionally, while holding this scimitar and attuned to it, you can climb on walls without making ability checks.
Cloud Gauntlets
Wondrous item (requires attunement), rare
These gauntlets feel and look like soft stormclouds, and constantly pulsate with electric energy. Your unarmed strikes and spell attacks with a range of Touch deal an additional 1d6 lightning damage on a hit while wearing these gauntlets, and if a creature starts its turn while grappled by you, it takes 1d6 lightning damage.
Flailigator
Weapon (requires attunement, flail), rare
This flail has a living magical Tiny alligator instead of a ball to swing. When you hit a creature with this flail, it must succeed on a DC 15 Strength saving throw, or be restrained, and you cannot use the flail again until you release the creature (no action required). The target or another creature within 5 feet of it can use its action to repeat the saving throw, ending the restrain on a success.
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Grass Knuckles
Wondrous item (requires attunement by a druid or ranger), rare
These magical knuckles made of clumps of soil and grass are as hard as brass, and made to fit around your hands. While you are attuned to these knuckles and wielding them, your unarmed strikes deal 1d8 bludgeoning damage, can use your Wisdom instead of your Strength for their attack and damage rolls, are magical, and when you use the Attack action with an unarmed strike on your turn, you can make one unarmed strike as a bonus action.
Gun O' Nine Tails
Weapon (requires attunement, whip), very rare
This whip has nine ends, each of which has a revolver wrapped around it. When you hit a creature with this whip, you can choose for all of the guns to fire, forcing all creatures within 20 feet of the original target (including the target) to make a DC 17 Dexterity saving throw. On a failed saving throw, a creature takes 9d6 piercing damage, or half the piercing damage on a success.
The whip regains usage of this property at the next dawn.
Honeycomb Sledgehammer
Weapon (requires attunement, maul), rare
This maul has a living bee inside of it, flapping wings, and is covered in honey. You cannot unwillingly be disarmed of this weapon.
Also, this maul has 4 charges. When you hit a creature with this weapon, you can expend 1 charge to halve the creature's movement speed until the end of its next turn. The maul regains 1d4 expended charges at the next dawn.
Tidepool Sickle
Weapon (requires attunement, sickle), rare
This sickle is made out of shells, coral, and crustacean claws. It deals an additional 1d6 cold damage on a hit, and while attuned to it, you can breathe underwater.
Additionally, this sickle has 6 charges. You can expend 3 charges to cast the tidal wave spell (save DC 15). The sickle regains 1d4+1 expended charges at the next dawn.
What Is That Take That Out of There
Weapon (requires attunement, sling), very rare
This sling is named for the first time it was used by a master warrior, who flung his opponents. While you are grappling a creature of size Large or smaller, you can use your bonus action to load the creature into the sling as if it were a piece of ammunition, regardless of if it would normally fit or not. If the creature is Small or larger, then the range of the sling is changed as according to this table.
| Size | Range |
|---|---|
| Small | 15/45 |
| Medium | 10/30 |
| Large | 5/15 |
Credit
Made using GMBinder
Created by /u/Dingo_Chungis, aka Blackbando.
Art by Iguanamouth